Bush Authorizes Military Force Against Celestial Terrorist Cell

Washington (MK Press) - At 9:47 pm EST on February 20th The Pentagon released orders signed by President Bush to authorize lethal force against terrorist leader Lu Na'ar Eklips. President issued the following statement shortly after the announcement:

"Our top NASA scientists have informed me of the evil-doers' plot to take away the moon from us Americans. We will not let this happen. The moon is a symbol of our great country and the freedom which we enjoy almost as much as the pies provided by the moon. We will fight and we will win."

At 10:26 pm EST the United States Pacific Command's USS Lake Erie launched a ballistic missile from its position in the Pacific Ocean west of Hawaii at the terrorists just as the moon was about to completely disappear. The missile fell short of the terrorist base on the lunar surface and is speculated to have destroyed a US Intelligence satellite. President Bush responded with the following statement at 11:41 pm EST as the moon returned to its full brightness:

"Mission Accomplished. While we did not hit our intended target, our military might has frightened our enemy away and made the moon safe for our enjoyment once again. NASA has just notified me that the Lu Na'ar terrorist cell has been dispersed for the time being. However, we have intelligence indicating that there may be another attack in 2010. Well I have this to say to those evil doers, and any others that think they can take our moon, our sun, or even Mars: We will never back down without a fight! And to paraphrase my favorite book, Goodnight America. Goodnight Moon."

Me, I Want a Hula Hoop

How is it that we, as a society, have not developed an aversion toward Christmas songs yet?

Think about it. Anyone who has dared to brave a shopping mall during peak hours from after Thanksgiving on 'til Christmas Eve has surely roamed the endless expanse that is the mall parking lot questing for the lone, coveted parking spot while tolerating the meandering gait of shell shocked shoppers searching for their SUV that they are sure they had parked in row ZZ and enduring more verbal insults and obscene gestures from their fellow questers than anyone should receive in a lifetime. Throughout this time what is playing on the radio but some merry tune espousing the joys of giving or the wonders of the sub-freezing precipitation you are praying does not fall on you as you make your three mile hike from your parking spot to the mall entrance. Then once you do reach the large glass doors to the shopping mecca and bid a farewell to your sherpa guide as you enter into the seventh circle of the consumer underworld populated with screaming children and denizens willing to sacrifice body and limb to get this year's "Tickle Me This" or "Nintendo Wii That", you are greeted with the exact same melodies and lyrics you had listened to in the car and could not get out of your head. Seriously, how is this not enough to evoke a Pavlovian response which causes one to weep at the very sound of Silver Bells?

Perhaps it has to due with the fact that we are only subjected to these tunes for a small fraction of the year. Although, there are some radio stations out there that are bound and determined to spread the holiday cheer well before the predesignated season. Yes, I'm looking at you WASH 97.1 Lite FM. You took it upon yourself to start Rudolphing and Jingle Bell Rocking at least 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. I still had my Halloween costume sitting in my living room when the carols started to fill your airwaves; and yet for some reason, I listened. Now as the holiday approaches, more and more stations are beginning to pepper their play lists with Pretty Paper and pipers piping until come Christmas Eve/Day, there will be no escaping the "sounds of the season". And then nothing...

Every December 26th, I am left with a feeling of emptiness as I tune the radio from station to station and hear the regularly scheduled programming and the familiar voices of musicians. I know deep down that I would beg to hear the Barking Dogs' Jingle Bells or Dominic the Christmas Donkey one more time before being cut off cold turkey. One more fix to get me through the year... just once more. Then I come to the harsh realization that I will have to wait until the next holiday season to be filled with sounds of Frosty thumpity thumping o'er the hills of snow.

Oooh I gotta go, Bing Crosby and David Bowie's duet of Little Drummer Boy is playing. I love this song!

We eat ham, and jam and Spam alot

So evidently, gmail sees me as a spammer. Yea, I know...
I uploaded a video of Oliver to youtube today (see below) and I wanted to send a link out to my parents and Lindsay's parents. So, I type up the email in gmail (detail and sea snail?) and send it out. Almost instantly my gmail notifier icon pops up saying that I have new mail. Wooohooo! I open it up and it is a delivery notification of a FAILED status with a link explaining to me that my mail was bounced in Sector 5 (wasn't that in Transformers?) because I'm a spammer. So what, a guy can't send an email with the following text without being labeled a spammer nowadays:

"Hey there,

Come check out Oliver on his cam. You won't believe the fun he has licking up all that juice!

Click here to see the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfH07ZHzpxo
"

I think the terrorists have finally won.

Embedded for your spammee pleasure...

NBC Green Week

So, NBC has completed its "Green Week" in which many of their shows offered tips on how to become more conservative in our energy usage and help preserve our environment. Before I go any further, let me give a quick disclaimer: I consider myself to be just as green as the next guy (yay Prius!), but I am far from a "tree hugger". With that being said, from what I saw on NBC, the whole green-thing seemed to be more of a mockery than a movement. Perhaps this is due to my choice in shows (Chuck, Heroes, and the Thursday night line up) being mainly comedies. A few examples for you:

Chuck - Casey, the wise-cracking, gruff NSA agent, is confronted by a Stanford student with a plant a tree flyer. His response is to rip the flyer from the student's hand, crumple it up and retort with something along the lines of "Take a shower, you dirty hippie!". Hilarious? Yes. Promoting a green mindset? Not exactly.

30 Rock - David Schwimmer plays an actor that becomes a bit obsessed with the eco-friendly character, Greenzo, that he is hired to portray as a corporate shill for GE appliances. The result is him going off the deep end and ultimately talking about composting his own feces (ew). The show ended with a cameo by Al Gore claiming to hear a whale crying out for help while in the background a crazed Greenzo accidentally sets ablaze a smiling globe. Global warming brought about by a crazed environmentalist? That's interesting...

My Name is Earl - Earl is asked to do a scared straight program and incorporate green ideas into it because that's the popular thing to do nowadays. Alright...

Scrubs - JD attempts to destroy a hybrid with a trashcan (aahh eco-irony). Later in the show he and his brother get in the car and cannot figure out how to turn it on, obviously because a hybrid vehicle is too complicated for the ordinary American ::rolls eyes::

Then there were shows that I did not watch but caught mention of either in previews or elsewhere. For instance all of the models on Deal or No Deal wearing green (because that is the color of money?) and riding bikes from their trailers to the studio or some soap opera having all of their actors don "Save the Earth" slogan t-shirts.

All in all, I'd have to say that while the shows were funny, the whole Green Week thing came off mostly as a farce. So next time NBC, when you promote something over and over for weeks prior and try to make a statement, just make sure you are making the intended one.